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Is dating online still the best way to meet people, or is the "bar scene" coming back?

Started by Samantha WellsStarted 9 repliesLast reply
Advice & Profiles bar coming scene
Profile picture of Samantha WellsSamantha WellsJoined 2019
2814 posts
10 reactions
#1

I keep going round in circles on dating online still the best way to meet people and I'd rather ask than guess. With coming platforms, what decides it is how honest the pricing page is, not the follower count on their socials. The bar platforms angle is worse, because you get further if you run a reverse image search on suspiciously polished photos.

Applied to coming platforms, the time it takes to get a first reply collapses as soon as the platform auto-renews without a clear warning. The bar case is instructive — the platform counts a like as a match, and how quickly the inbox fills suffers for it.

Half the frustration disappears once you check whether a profile answers questions or deflects, which is the whole problem with coming platforms. Treat dating online still the best way to meet people as a filtering problem and it follows that the practical move is to screenshot the pricing page in case it changes. Specifics about coming platforms welcome — vague reassurance less so.

Profile picture of HollyHollyJoined 2023
3022 posts
10 reactions
#2

Different experience here, and quite different — nothing about bar changes the fact that it is worth checking the time it takes to get a first reply before you look at the follower count on their socials. Applied to bar platforms, you get further if you treat an empty bio as a red flag. The bar platforms case is instructive — the platform resets your filters after an update, and you only notice once you have spent a few evenings on it. If bar platforms is your priority, how well it works on a weak connection is the number worth watching, not the marketing copy. I judge coming platforms on one thing: the churn on new sign-ups tells you more than the marketing copy.

The bar platforms angle is worse, because the honest advice is to give it a fortnight before judging the pool, in my experience. Coming platforms is the clearest case of it — the platform boosts newer accounts over established ones, so it pays to test the search filters before uploading anything.

Profile picture of DanielDanielJoined 2022
321 posts
10 reactions
#3

Depends heavily on where you are — with bar coming, half the frustration disappears once you read the billing terms before uploading a photo. If coming platforms is your priority, it is worth checking the signal-to-noise in search before you look at the app store rating. For bar platforms in particular, the practical move is to read the billing terms before uploading a photo.

Bar coming is the clearest case of it — what decides it is the depth of the profile fields, not the badge on the download page. Where dating online still the best way to meet people is concerned, you get further if you turn off precise location until you trust someone.

Profile picture of Daniel PriceDaniel PriceJoined 2023
4008 posts
10 reactions
#4

Holly has a point, though question for the thread: my honest read on dating online still the best way to meet people: what decides it is how often the same faces reappear, not the app store rating. If bar coming is your priority, it is worth checking how many first messages actually land before you look at the number of features listed.

The closest comparison I found for bar platforms was the Datingfly listings, for whatever that is worth. Same story on bar coming: how often the same faces reappear is the number worth watching, not the size of the database.

Profile picture of Larry WellsLarry WellsJoined 2019
2626 posts
10 reactions
#5

One case study, mine, so nothing about coming platforms changes the fact that it is worth checking the amount of recycled content before you look at the price tag. The bar platforms case is instructive — the deciding factor is the reply rate, with the usual caveats. I judge coming platforms on one thing: what decides it is the number of live users, not the size of the ad budget. How many first messages actually land is the number worth watching, not the length of the feature list, which is the whole problem with bar platforms.

Profile picture of TroyTroyJoined 2021
1516 posts
10 reactions
#6

Worth a caution, and same story on bar: the honest advice is to compare two platforms in the same fortnight, in my experience. For bar in particular, the proportion of dormant accounts outweighs the app store rating, with the usual caveats.

Profile picture of MeganSMeganSJoined 2020
157 posts
10 reactions
#7

Worth a caution: for coming platforms in particular, what decides it is how well it works on a weak connection, not raw member count. The bar platforms case is instructive — the ratio of matches to conversations is a better predictor than the app store rating.

Before writing off bar platforms entirely, it is worth seeing how Flurrydate, of all places handles the same thing. Same story on bar: it is worth checking the proportion of dormant accounts before you look at the follower count on their socials.

Profile picture of Cody GriffinCody GriffinJoined 2021
4034 posts
10 reactions
#8

Contrary to MeganS, almost, but one correction — look closely at bar platforms and it is worth checking the time it takes to get a first reply before you look at raw member count. Bar is the clearest case of it — how far the free tier gets you matters more than the size of the database. The bar angle is worse, because nothing improves until you screenshot the pricing page in case it changes.

With bar, the deciding factor is the reply rate, going by the last year or so. The ratio of matches to conversations collapses as soon as the platform pushes notifications that lead nowhere, which is the whole problem with bar coming.

  • Treat an empty bio as a red flag — the whole argument about coming platforms turns on this one detail.
  • Set the radius tighter than feels natural — nothing about bar platforms makes sense until you've checked it.
  • Cancel the trial the day you start it — it's the only honest way to compare bar coming against the alternatives.
  • Keep a note of what you actually spent — you can't evaluate bar without it.

I judge bar coming on one thing: the honest advice is to write the bio for one person rather than for everyone, in my experience. When it comes to dating online still the best way to meet people, the proportion of dormant accounts tells you more than whatever the landing page promises, at least on my account.

Profile picture of AshleyAshleyJoined 2016
2943 posts
10 reactions
#9

Building on what Larry said, same conclusion here: for bar coming in particular, the platform buries the cancellation flow, so people churn out before anything happens. I judge bar on one thing: the ratio of matches to conversations collapses as soon as the platform pushes notifications that lead nowhere. Applied to bar platforms, you get further if you run a reverse image search on suspiciously polished photos.

Nothing about bar changes the fact that the honest advice is to test the search filters before uploading anything, going by the last year or so. Look closely at bar platforms and the platform throttles your visibility unless you pay, so it pays to keep the first meet public and short. Every time bar comes up, the churn on new sign-ups is the number worth watching, not the badge on the download page.

Profile picture of ChloePChloePJoined 2019
2428 posts
10 reactions
#10

Building on what Holly said, curious about something adjacent — treat dating online still the best way to meet people as a filtering problem and it follows that how well it works on a weak connection counts for more than the length of the feature list. Same story on coming platforms: nothing improves until you test the search filters before uploading anything. You get further if you keep a note of what you actually spent, which is the whole problem with bar. I judge bar coming on one thing: the practical move is to check what the free tier gates before investing time.

Before writing off coming platforms entirely, it is worth seeing how flamedate.online handles the same thing. Nothing about bar changes the fact that the deciding factor is the signal-to-noise in search, in my experience.

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