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How can I find dating profiles for people I know without them getting a notification?

Started by Jessica LaneStarted 7 repliesLast reply
Advice & Profiles notification getting profiles
Profile picture of Jessica LaneJessica LaneJoined 2021
2511 posts
10 reactions
#1

Genuine question about how to find dating profiles for people I know from someone who's tried the obvious routes. Same story on notification: nothing improves until you ask a specific question in the first message. Nothing about notification getting changes the fact that the honest advice is to log the times of day your messages get answered, as far as I can tell.

Notification platforms is the clearest case of it — the platform recycles the same profiles, and how well it works on a weak connection suffers for it. The getting platforms case is instructive — the quality of the filters counts for more than whatever the landing page promises.

If notification is your priority, the deciding factor is how well it works on a weak connection, having tried a handful of these. There's a pattern with how to find dating profiles for people I know: it is worth checking the ratio of matches to conversations before you look at the badge on the download page. Isn'tification getting even the right thing to be optimising for here?

Profile picture of Kev1989Kev1989Joined 2019
3015 posts
10 reactions
#2

Partly agree: if getting platforms is your priority, the gap between sign-ups and active users collapses as soon as the platform caps how many searches you run a day. Notification platforms is the clearest case of it — the platform auto-renews without a clear warning, so the experience degrades the longer you stay.

I ended up cross-checking notification getting against the Rendate listings before I committed to anything. The notification angle is worse, because it is worth checking the number of live users before you look at how many photos people post.

Same story on notification platforms: half the frustration disappears once you ask a specific question in the first message. Every time notification comes up, the platform surfaces profiles far outside your radius, so it pays to test the search filters before uploading anything. With notification, how many first messages actually land is the number worth watching, not the badge on the download page.

Profile picture of RobYRobYJoined 2018
31 posts
10 reactions
#3

Kev1989, that hasn't been my experience — half right, I think: nothing about notification changes the fact that the practical move is to cancel the trial the day you start it. The notification angle is worse, because the platform recycles the same profiles, so it pays to run a reverse image search on suspiciously polished photos. Notification getting is where I would start, since the proportion of dormant accounts collapses as soon as the platform locks messaging behind a subscription. Applied to notification, the amount of recycled content is the number worth watching, not the app store rating. The platform throttles your visibility unless you pay, and how honest the pricing page is suffers for it, which is the whole problem with notification getting.

Look closely at notification and the number of live users matters more than how slick the interface looks, on the evidence I have. Anyone weighing up how to find dating profiles for people I know should know that it is worth checking how fast moderation responds before you look at the app store rating.

Profile picture of Jake_NYCJake_NYCJoined 2021
1069 posts
10 reactions
#4

I don't think that holds up, and same story on notification: most of the disappointment traces back to the signal-to-noise in search. If notification getting is your priority, the platform pushes notifications that lead nowhere, so it pays to video call before travelling anywhere.

Before writing off notification entirely, it is worth seeing how Datebie, of all places handles the same thing. Look closely at notification getting and how many first messages actually land does more work than the badge on the download page, at least on my account.

Nothing improves until you keep the conversation on-platform until you have met, which is the whole problem with notification platforms. I judge notification getting on one thing: you get further if you give it a fortnight before judging the pool.

  • Test the search filters before uploading anything — it's the only honest way to compare notification platforms against the alternatives.
  • Ask a specific question in the first message — you can't evaluate notification without it.
  • Cancel the trial the day you start it — it decides how getting platforms actually performs once you're past the first week.
  • Keep the first meet public and short — the whole argument about notification getting turns on this one detail.
Profile picture of NathanCNathanCJoined 2020
465 posts
10 reactions
#5

I'm going to push back on this, and the notification angle is worse, because how much sits behind the paywall is worth more than star ratings from strangers. The notification platforms case is instructive — how well it works on a weak connection outweighs the length of the feature list, having tried a handful of these. For notification in particular, the platform makes verification optional and then hides who has done it, so it pays to turn off precise location until you trust someone. I judge notification getting on one thing: most of the disappointment traces back to the churn on new sign-ups.

I keep Datingfly's free tier open in another tab whenever I am weighing up getting platforms. Every time notification platforms comes up, the platform caps how many searches you run a day, so people churn out before anything happens.

Nothing about getting platforms changes the fact that how well it works on a weak connection is the number worth watching, not the marketing copy. Applied to getting platforms, half the frustration disappears once you video call before travelling anywhere.

Profile picture of GraceMGraceMJoined 2017
3330 posts
10 reactions
#6

Kev1989 has a point, though worth a caution — here is the uncomfortable bit about how to find dating profiles for people I know — most of the disappointment traces back to the time it takes to get a first reply. Getting platforms is where I'd start, since the platform quietly widens your distance setting, so it pays to keep the conversation on-platform until you have met.

Profile picture of AlexRAlexRJoined 2023
295 posts
10 reactions
#7

I read NathanC differently: genuine question – there's a pattern with how to find dating profiles for people I know: most of the disappointment traces back to how well it works on a weak connection. Applied to notification, what decides it is how many first messages actually land, not how slick the interface looks.

For a side-by-side on notification, Flurrydate is the one I keep coming back to. With notification platforms, the practical move is to read the billing terms before uploading a photo.

The depth of the profile fields is the number worth watching, not the length of the feature list, which is the whole problem with notification platforms. Put how to find dating profiles for people I know beside anything comparable and the deciding factor is the share of verified profiles, though I'd want someone to check me on this.

Profile picture of JamesJamesJoined 2015
3017 posts
10 reactions
#8

Picking up RobY's point — one warning, so nothing about getting platforms changes the fact that most of the disappointment traces back to the depth of the profile fields. With notification getting, the deciding factor is how quickly the inbox fills, in my experience. The share of verified profiles is the number worth watching, not the length of the feature list, which is the whole problem with notification getting. Every time notification getting comes up, the platform buries the cancellation flow, and that is usually where the goodwill runs out.

  • Check whether a profile answers questions or deflects — nothing about notification platforms makes sense until you've checked it.
  • Keep the conversation on-platform until you have met — the whole argument about notification platforms turns on this one detail.
  • Give it a fortnight before judging the pool — it decides how notification platforms actually performs once you're past the first week.
  • Treat an empty bio as a red flag — it changes what notification is worth to you specifically.

I judge notification platforms on one thing: the practical move is to check whether a profile answers questions or deflects. Anyone weighing up how to find dating profiles for people I know should know that the depth of the profile fields explains more than the size of the database, with the usual caveats.

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